Here is an article I wrote for HelloGiggles. Posting here because I don't know how to work this whole blog thing. (It's a test, for me, to see if it works)
I have been attending my school since kindergarten. My elementary school is more about teaching children to care and be kind to each other than actual schoolwork. All 52 of us in the grade had a very special bond. Most of the parents were very involved with the school. They would come several times a month to serve hot lunch, teach art class, garden and do special presentations for their child’s class. There would be class parties and parent coffees frequently, which of course lead to everyone being very close. Graduating 5th grade was a big deal. It would mean leaving the lower campus and heading up to the middle school/high school grounds. But the one thing that we were all scared of the most were the new kids. In 6th grade, there would be an additional 30 (or so) children added to our grade and that was Aa big deal, especially for me.
In third grade, my uncle let me watch the movie Rent, which eventually led to a big drugs and alcohol conversation. I’m not sure if my dad meant to but he scared me so badly, I would have periods of time over the next two years where I would just start crying out of the blue in fear of my friends doing drugs and dying. What he did was name off a list – I don’t even know how long – of all his friends who had had a drug or alcohol problem and passed away. It was too much for a 9-year-old to handle. When I received the news about the new kids, I thought they would all be doing drugs and bad things and that is what scared me the most about moving up into middle school. I would cry a lot in fear of these new kids influencing my friends.
In 6th grade, we were lucky. There wasn’t one kid who was bad in any way. They all fit in perfectly and barely threw off the dynamics built over that six-year period of elementary school. The only thing that bothered me about the new kids was that it seemed they were all smarter than us. At their schools, instead of focusing on life lessons they focused on schoolwork. They also had just a different, tougher vibe but those things were just small things that did not really matter.
Then, there was 7th grade. This time there were 40 more kids and it did destroy our perfect dynamics. They came in, separated friendships and formed new groups. I developed the reputation of the awkward, slightly OCD, preppy, motherly, nerd who new barely new anything about being a “regular teen”. The sad thing was, my friends all separated and went to different groups so I was stuck alone. The good thing was, the relationship with my 52 classmates from elementary school hadn’t completely died.
While currently being in an awkward place socially, I value and depend on these relationships. But then there is also my weakness of being a terrible conversation starter, which makes things a little more difficult. Walking to Latin class four times a week was a great opportunity to catch up with my long time pals. The walk was just long enough to carry on a perfect conversation. Most of the time I would just end up walking right behind my first grade BFF, thinking of how to start the conversation, and never actually saying anything. Throughout the year, there were many days where I had succeeded, and ended up having casual interactions with my classmates. By the end of the year, I had found a solid group of kids who were equally as confused as I was.
Make your own kind of music, sing your own kind of song. I love your blog. In junior high and high school I never followed a group. I preferred an eclectic one of a kind artistic friend. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nC7zSY5O6FU&feature=related Your Dad might know her. Mama Cass.
ReplyDeleteOh, the trials and tribulations of the awkward! It never ends, but you learn how to make it your own (i.e. purposefully awkward dancing: always wins at uncomfortable and particularly raunchy middle school dances and, later, if you’re crafty, at the club).
ReplyDeleteThe same thing happened to me in middle school. I got teased because I was one of the few students who cared about good grades and less about doing bad things to be "cool." Cool is relative. I went on to be Homecoming Queen in high school because "cool" became being nice to people and I was and have always been nice to people. That's my two cents. Just be your nice little self.
ReplyDeleteHey Maude! I'm a nineteen-year-old girl in college who STILL has lots and lots of trouble with making friends and (especially) keeping them. I can trace my social awkwardness back to my formative years as an itty-bitty first grader who used to trip boys in an effort to befriend them and later on in middle school, someone who used to let other girls practically humiliate me in front of other girls as a way to gain their acceptance. Now as a college student I'm still not entirely fond of the social scene and drinking, so I only do it in the presence of people I trust, people with whom I can have a good time but not be in any sort of danger. Something that I lacked at your age but you seem to have is self-awareness. Use that as your ally. You come across as very intelligent so I'm sure I don't have to tell you much as you already seem to be very knowledgeable, but have you ever heard of the term "old soul"? It may sound grandma-ish (old, as I understand it, is not what you want to be called at any age, let alone as an eighth-grader), but it basically means that you are wise beyond your years. You describe yourself as "maternal" and "awkward", and while those might be true in respect to your PEERS, it means that you have just grown up a lot quicker than some other kids.
ReplyDeleteUnlike some of the people who have posted above me, I've never grown up to be the "beautiful swan" (this is more a commentation of my self-esteem, not my perception of my attractiveness), so to speak, and you know what? Now that I've got some experience, I hope I never [become that beautiful swan]. I actually......kind of like myself now. Kind of. I'm to the point of blabbing and I think by now (I hope) I've gotten my point across. In spite of my lengthy post, the only thing I really wanted to say is that you're not alone-I'm a neurotic girl, too! It's not so bad! You can tell anyone who says diffferently: What of it? Good luck Maude!
Can I join the socially awkward club? I think one reason I sometimes come accross as socailly awkward is because there so many different aspects to my personality and they all try to shine through at once. But its something a lot of us experience and its what makes us unique and AWESOME :)I'm glad you found a solid group by the end of the year. Having friends you can count on and trust is one of the most valuable things life has to offer. Cheesey I know, but I like cheese!
ReplyDelete"...I had found a solid group of kids who were equally as confused as I was."
ReplyDeleteGREAT LINE!!!
@camilliemar